Well this turned out to be quite an exercise.

The goal: scalable reads with MySQL in master-slave configuration, writing to the master, and reading from N slaves, load balanced in round-robin fashion (or something).

The problem: using JPA (Java Persistence API) instead of direct JDBC calls. Turns out the MySQL ReplicationDriver (used to load balance reads to slaves and send writes to the master) relies on the readOnly state of the Connection in order to decide whether it’s a read or a write. With direct JDBC calls, I could get the Connection and toggle the readOnly state as needed.
» Read more: MySQL Master/Slave configuration with EJB3 and JPA